from everything to summer

it was cold last month: 
feathery rain light as snow, 
brown-edged petals littered on the ground and 
falling leaves fluttering in the dusk. 
snippets of seasonal weather 
delicately handpicked, ripe and teasingly sweet yet 
bitter with the taste of homesickness 

but 
fast forward and 
all at once, it’s summer again 
glaring sunlight fades to a golden glow, 
sunshine slowly seeps through
broken cracks and 
turns perfume sweet to berry sweet. 
acrid longing becomes a fond nostalgia for home instead.

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17, now. – paradoxically timeless 

between the foreign lullabies and
the slowly setting sun,
nothing and everything
happens, happening, has happened,
all at once –

our laughter fades quick past
the lined skies and neat roads
clattered footsteps drifting into the cloudy night
all the screams and screeches
in our shared house are
only memories now

and as the whisper of soft silence rings
in the distant rush of the highway
the end of another dream looms:
I really wish we could stay
this way, forever

—–

I jumped from my grad trip in Japan almost immediately to another, way shorter trip in Korea. The difference between the two countries and the company I’m with is drastic, and this is my last night so I can say this, both have been enjoyable in their own ways. I’ve never felt so at home and natural with the people I’ve been with and I’m so grateful for this once in a lifetime opportunity.

For real, both trips happened way too fast and was over before I even realised it. While two weeks have gone by, it really feels like nothing much has changed at all.

xx.

17, now. – i miss winter

i miss cool and carefree days
now, more than ever
our sunken but starry eyes and
our air of invincibility
facing forward to our futures

we’re closer
now, more than ever
our glee and excitement may be undeniable
but i don’t like how sinking reality is,
how the heat clings onto my skin
stifling and unshakeable,
or how my heart twists,
uncomfortably unpleasant,
every time the realisation ‘it’s the last time we’ll ever…’ crosses my mind

winter may’ve been
stress and coffee and panic but
i’d live through it all again
if it meant we’d have more time together

———-

Today was our last official day of school; my last regular school day as a secondary school student. My last day as a primary student didn’t do much for me, because I knew I’d be seeing majority of the grade in secondary anyway. But the feeling I have now… oof. Nothing really feels real yet, probably because I know we’ll be back during our study break and back to sit for our exams and back for graduation. Despite that, I’m still so thankful for the past 14 years at this school. I feel all weird and upset inside thinking we’ll never have classes together again, since everyone’s off to different places next year. I’m definitely going to miss poking fun at and with my friends in class, being so in tune with my friend that we can lipread and think of the same dumb jokes, and really, just… all the little moments we have in regular classes.

In short, I loved watching everyone grow up and growing up with everyone, and even though we had some awful moments, I wouldn’t change a single thing. Thanks for the past 14 years, SIS!

x.

17, now. – blissfully blank

most days are messy:
physics equations in english and
black dots of music in math
overwhelmed with loud laughter
headaches and mental screaming

some days are quiet:
papers and pieces of information neatly filed away
the soft scribbling of pencils
the faint rustle of papers
fades into shared silence

then there are some times
thoughts muted, mind blank
there are no words, only colours and shapes
empty sounds
and nothing else.

IMG_2814 (1)
view from my school’s garden! there isn’t much, but it’s one of the more quieter places on the campus.

until next year, at least

finally I can kiss goodbye to the
unpleasant, sinking feeling of too-little-sleep –
can’t even spell the month properly without a good
knight’s rest
summer’s here and it’s time to
catch up on sleeping and dreaming
hell, I don’t even care if I have daily
outings or clean my room
or, heaven forbid, do all my homework!, just as
long as I don’t have to wake up early
If you know me in real life, feel free to drop me a message (anywhere) for “the thrilling saga”. Just ask about it!
x.