kintsugi

delicate cracks on brittle bone bowls  
stained blood red and  
rotted black 
are nothing but crumbling 
will  
yourself:
  get up  
    get up 
      get up 
 
broken isn’t dead; 
fill the void 
with honeyed memories & caramelised dreams 
coat it with the golden pith of ikigai and 
get up and fight
stronger and prouder than before 

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17, now. – same same but different // last goodbye

like the moon that constantly 
waxes and wanes 
still there through cloudy nights and 
sunny days and starry skies 
through 
dreading the end of an era and
heartbreak, nostalgia and homesickness 
through adventures across asia and undefined nothingness
I’ll always come back.
(even if I do accidentally lose myself //
stronger and fuller than ever) 
so 
I think I’m ready for bigger adventures 
I think I’m ready to grow up.
—————————
I turn 18 today! I’ve thought a lot about this day and what it might signify for me, and I’ve decided it to be a semi-fresh start. I’ve been holding on so hard to being 17 and by technical definition, still being a child, that I’ve been holding myself back from trying to do more adult things. 

17 was my best year, with so many hellos and goodbyes and fairy tale endings and happy new beginnings, so I’m ready to leave all the major changes of “new beginnings” behind and just take life as it is now. It’s really fitting that I’m back in Hong Kong for my 18th, where everything – from my life to school to finding out who I am – started, as if I’ve come full circle and completed my childhood journey. Growing up will never be as simple, straightforward and quick as saying so, but it’s not like I’m going to become an entirely different person. I’ll always come back to who I’ve been ever since I was a child, and with that, I’m fully ready for the last goodbye, after saying it again and again to all my friends as they left for uni: goodbye childhood, and hello new experiences in adulthood!

xx.

from everything to summer

it was cold last month: 
feathery rain light as snow, 
brown-edged petals littered on the ground and 
falling leaves fluttering in the dusk. 
snippets of seasonal weather 
delicately handpicked, ripe and teasingly sweet yet 
bitter with the taste of homesickness 

but 
fast forward and 
all at once, it’s summer again 
glaring sunlight fades to a golden glow, 
sunshine slowly seeps through
broken cracks and 
turns perfume sweet to berry sweet. 
acrid longing becomes a fond nostalgia for home instead.

unspoken

there are the little gaps
here, there, words
left unspoken and
open to our own interpretation.
we fill it in with whatever
pleases our minds in that moment,
and maybe with something else some other time.
the truth bends a little to however we want it.
(right now, i’d like to think it’s a sign
of us knowing each other all too well)
harsh, blunt, real and solid sentences juxtaposed,
i think i like it better
like this

17, now. – here’s to my best summer

the waves lull  
and we sway blissfully 
free, floating and drifting 
through the quickly passing days. 
I wish we could stay 
here, together 
forever 
–––––

My summer is ending soon and in many ways it already has, so before I move on to a new part of my life, make new friends and have new jokes, here’s to 14 years of unbreakable friendship. Class of 2017, thank you for the best summer of a rotation of different hangouts almost daily. I’ll miss us so much, and I think I already do. All the best in the next chapter – if we survived IB, BS biases, and everything that was thrown in our way the last few years, we can do anything. Keep in touch, and we’ll meet again soon. :)

xx.

17, now. – paradoxically timeless 

between the foreign lullabies and
the slowly setting sun,
nothing and everything
happens, happening, has happened,
all at once –

our laughter fades quick past
the lined skies and neat roads
clattered footsteps drifting into the cloudy night
all the screams and screeches
in our shared house are
only memories now

and as the whisper of soft silence rings
in the distant rush of the highway
the end of another dream looms:
I really wish we could stay
this way, forever

—–

I jumped from my grad trip in Japan almost immediately to another, way shorter trip in Korea. The difference between the two countries and the company I’m with is drastic, and this is my last night so I can say this, both have been enjoyable in their own ways. I’ve never felt so at home and natural with the people I’ve been with and I’m so grateful for this once in a lifetime opportunity.

For real, both trips happened way too fast and was over before I even realised it. While two weeks have gone by, it really feels like nothing much has changed at all.

xx.

night walks 

forgotten winds and a sliver of silver  
bid good evening 
as I wander lost and jumbled as my thoughts  
still on home field, but not at home  
 
I wish I could remember 
the sweetness of nighttime air and 
the ease at which words come 
and instead have forgotten 
how to meticulously pick things apart – 
from dialogue to meanings to symbols. 
when will, and when can I let, 
things come naturally again? 

————-—

I’m a third into my exams and all this mindless studying has me realising that I might have lost who I am on the way here. IB has been emphasising so much on the 10 qualities, some of which include being balanced, reflective and a risk taker, I’ve kind of forgotten what else I should be/ am. I can’t even remember my pre-IB hobbies. Waiting for the next 10 days to pass quicker so I can find out whether I actually have a personality, or if I lost that as well (along with my writing skills :///).
x.