tram road

home is where the streets are a mess:
under the drizzle of tram wires and rain
there are strollers and collars and noise
and exhaust from busses and people alike

home is
the blend of shops and flats
sleek black and glass fitted between faded blocks
bakeries and realty and decade-old businesses
haphazardly doled out along the sides of the road

home is
pavements just wide enough for those
who know how to weave and swerve and avoid
almost as instinctively as breathing

and most importantly
home is
the long stretch of tarmac that runs east-west —
from it and through it —
the island-wide vein that connects us all

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watch this sp(ace)

black was the dark
oblivious to our differences and thinking
hot celebrities and one night stands were just
the latest “in” trend
grey was murky awareness
non-stop questions and exploring
fighting self-doubt with evidence
and trying so hard to understand
white is enlightenment
finally understanding that i will only ever
get it in theory
the same way the colourblind view colours –
how can i explain what i don’t feel
if i’ve never felt it?

purple is community, is fitting in
feeling real and valid with
other people who’ve had the same
questions, thoughts, experiences
and feeling like i belong

kintsugi

delicate cracks on brittle bone bowls  
stained blood red and  
rotted black 
are nothing but crumbling 
will  
yourself:
  get up  
    get up 
      get up 
 
broken isn’t dead; 
fill the void 
with honeyed memories & caramelised dreams 
coat it with the golden pith of ikigai and 
get up and fight
stronger and prouder than before 

17, now. – same same but different // last goodbye

like the moon that constantly 
waxes and wanes 
still there through cloudy nights and 
sunny days and starry skies 
through 
dreading the end of an era and
heartbreak, nostalgia and homesickness 
through adventures across asia and undefined nothingness
I’ll always come back.
(even if I do accidentally lose myself //
stronger and fuller than ever) 
so 
I think I’m ready for bigger adventures 
I think I’m ready to grow up.
—————————
I turn 18 today! I’ve thought a lot about this day and what it might signify for me, and I’ve decided it to be a semi-fresh start. I’ve been holding on so hard to being 17 and by technical definition, still being a child, that I’ve been holding myself back from trying to do more adult things. 

17 was my best year, with so many hellos and goodbyes and fairy tale endings and happy new beginnings, so I’m ready to leave all the major changes of “new beginnings” behind and just take life as it is now. It’s really fitting that I’m back in Hong Kong for my 18th, where everything – from my life to school to finding out who I am – started, as if I’ve come full circle and completed my childhood journey. Growing up will never be as simple, straightforward and quick as saying so, but it’s not like I’m going to become an entirely different person. I’ll always come back to who I’ve been ever since I was a child, and with that, I’m fully ready for the last goodbye, after saying it again and again to all my friends as they left for uni: goodbye childhood, and hello new experiences in adulthood!

xx.

17, now. – here’s to my best summer

the waves lull  
and we sway blissfully 
free, floating and drifting 
through the quickly passing days. 
I wish we could stay 
here, together 
forever 
–––––

My summer is ending soon and in many ways it already has, so before I move on to a new part of my life, make new friends and have new jokes, here’s to 14 years of unbreakable friendship. Class of 2017, thank you for the best summer of a rotation of different hangouts almost daily. I’ll miss us so much, and I think I already do. All the best in the next chapter – if we survived IB, BS biases, and everything that was thrown in our way the last few years, we can do anything. Keep in touch, and we’ll meet again soon. :)

xx.

night walks 

forgotten winds and a sliver of silver  
bid good evening 
as I wander lost and jumbled as my thoughts  
still on home field, but not at home  
 
I wish I could remember 
the sweetness of nighttime air and 
the ease at which words come 
and instead have forgotten 
how to meticulously pick things apart – 
from dialogue to meanings to symbols. 
when will, and when can I let, 
things come naturally again? 

————-—

I’m a third into my exams and all this mindless studying has me realising that I might have lost who I am on the way here. IB has been emphasising so much on the 10 qualities, some of which include being balanced, reflective and a risk taker, I’ve kind of forgotten what else I should be/ am. I can’t even remember my pre-IB hobbies. Waiting for the next 10 days to pass quicker so I can find out whether I actually have a personality, or if I lost that as well (along with my writing skills :///).
x.

i’m in love (with) today

there’s the strong smell of coffee and 
faint traces of you mingling 
in every breath i take – 
all-too-familiar and so sweetly homey – 
i’m missing you but 
i’m feeling whole and not holes  
in my heart 
 
today 
 
everything is the right colour and 
with a rosy glow and one deep breath out later 
life is fine again.