17, now. – here’s to my best summer

the waves lull  
and we sway blissfully 
free, floating and drifting 
through the quickly passing days. 
I wish we could stay 
here, together 
forever 
–––––

My summer is ending soon and in many ways it already has, so before I move on to a new part of my life, make new friends and have new jokes, here’s to 14 years of unbreakable friendship. Class of 2017, thank you for the best summer of a rotation of different hangouts almost daily. I’ll miss us so much, and I think I already do. All the best in the next chapter – if we survived IB, BS biases, and everything that was thrown in our way the last few years, we can do anything. Keep in touch, and we’ll meet again soon. :)

xx.

17, now. – paradoxically timeless 

between the foreign lullabies and
the slowly setting sun,
nothing and everything
happens, happening, has happened,
all at once –

our laughter fades quick past
the lined skies and neat roads
clattered footsteps drifting into the cloudy night
all the screams and screeches
in our shared house are
only memories now

and as the whisper of soft silence rings
in the distant rush of the highway
the end of another dream looms:
I really wish we could stay
this way, forever

—–

I jumped from my grad trip in Japan almost immediately to another, way shorter trip in Korea. The difference between the two countries and the company I’m with is drastic, and this is my last night so I can say this, both have been enjoyable in their own ways. I’ve never felt so at home and natural with the people I’ve been with and I’m so grateful for this once in a lifetime opportunity.

For real, both trips happened way too fast and was over before I even realised it. While two weeks have gone by, it really feels like nothing much has changed at all.

xx.

i’m in love (with) today

there’s the strong smell of coffee and 
faint traces of you mingling 
in every breath i take – 
all-too-familiar and so sweetly homey – 
i’m missing you but 
i’m feeling whole and not holes  
in my heart 
 
today 
 
everything is the right colour and 
with a rosy glow and one deep breath out later 
life is fine again. 

17, now. – i miss winter

i miss cool and carefree days
now, more than ever
our sunken but starry eyes and
our air of invincibility
facing forward to our futures

we’re closer
now, more than ever
our glee and excitement may be undeniable
but i don’t like how sinking reality is,
how the heat clings onto my skin
stifling and unshakeable,
or how my heart twists,
uncomfortably unpleasant,
every time the realisation ‘it’s the last time we’ll ever…’ crosses my mind

winter may’ve been
stress and coffee and panic but
i’d live through it all again
if it meant we’d have more time together

———-

Today was our last official day of school; my last regular school day as a secondary school student. My last day as a primary student didn’t do much for me, because I knew I’d be seeing majority of the grade in secondary anyway. But the feeling I have now… oof. Nothing really feels real yet, probably because I know we’ll be back during our study break and back to sit for our exams and back for graduation. Despite that, I’m still so thankful for the past 14 years at this school. I feel all weird and upset inside thinking we’ll never have classes together again, since everyone’s off to different places next year. I’m definitely going to miss poking fun at and with my friends in class, being so in tune with my friend that we can lipread and think of the same dumb jokes, and really, just… all the little moments we have in regular classes.

In short, I loved watching everyone grow up and growing up with everyone, and even though we had some awful moments, I wouldn’t change a single thing. Thanks for the past 14 years, SIS!

x.

warm lights warm nights

spring nights may be cold
but with lights in my eyes and your hand in mine
i’m anything but that

life will be good

crisp wind and fresh air
smells of infinite possibilities
under infinite blue

pantomime trees sway gently in the breeze

we hum our own tunes, melodies
blend into what becomes the songs of life

it only gets better from here

17, now. – blissfully blank

most days are messy:
physics equations in english and
black dots of music in math
overwhelmed with loud laughter
headaches and mental screaming

some days are quiet:
papers and pieces of information neatly filed away
the soft scribbling of pencils
the faint rustle of papers
fades into shared silence

then there are some times
thoughts muted, mind blank
there are no words, only colours and shapes
empty sounds
and nothing else.

IMG_2814 (1)
view from my school’s garden! there isn’t much, but it’s one of the more quieter places on the campus.