17, now. – i miss winter

i miss cool and carefree days
now, more than ever
our sunken but starry eyes and
our air of invincibility
facing forward to our futures

we’re closer
now, more than ever
our glee and excitement may be undeniable
but i don’t like how sinking reality is,
how the heat clings onto my skin
stifling and unshakeable,
or how my heart twists,
uncomfortably unpleasant,
every time the realisation ‘it’s the last time we’ll ever…’ crosses my mind

winter may’ve been
stress and coffee and panic but
i’d live through it all again
if it meant we’d have more time together

———-

Today was our last official day of school; my last regular school day as a secondary school student. My last day as a primary student didn’t do much for me, because I knew I’d be seeing majority of the grade in secondary anyway. But the feeling I have now… oof. Nothing really feels real yet, probably because I know we’ll be back during our study break and back to sit for our exams and back for graduation. Despite that, I’m still so thankful for the past 14 years at this school. I feel all weird and upset inside thinking we’ll never have classes together again, since everyone’s off to different places next year. I’m definitely going to miss poking fun at and with my friends in class, being so in tune with my friend that we can lipread and think of the same dumb jokes, and really, just… all the little moments we have in regular classes.

In short, I loved watching everyone grow up and growing up with everyone, and even though we had some awful moments, I wouldn’t change a single thing. Thanks for the past 14 years, SIS!

x.

warm lights warm nights

spring nights may be cold
but with lights in my eyes and your hand in mine
i’m anything but that

17, now. – you make me feel so

in the midst of it all
the loose leaf pages, flutter-by deadlines,
chatter of bilingual tongues,
and a sinking feeling so noiseless yet so persistent and
overwhelming loud –
i focus on you –
waves of clamour and chaos crash
to a slow, steady heartbeat, then:
silence.

a soft smile.

empty, to…

fresh memories fade over time; while nothing
illuminates the rooms once full of laughter that
lit up our eyes and soul,
little moments begin to take its place and
empty hearts become full again
dark skies flecked with stars once more

 

Passed by old flats of two of my friends today and the rain and piano ballads didn’t help. The list of people who once meant the world to me but has slowly drifted away is growing steadily, but I’ve accepted it as a part of life. (insert dumb pun about people parting) It’s nice to have lovely memories, and at the same time, I’m filled with a strange swell of happiness when I’m with my current friends, probably because I know that one day, I’ll be looking back fondly, too.

x.

bittersweet

kōcha:
a sour tang of not-enough-sugar and
the taste of lemon peels
mingle in my mouth
liquid washes over my tongue with a bittersweetsour aftertaste
i savour it/ could drown it all in syrup
but what’s the point then?

– – –

Some things aren’t meant to be sweet… and I’m sorry.

x.