a reflection

to 12 (and 15 and 18) year old me:
please break down the notion of an ‘ideal’ relationship
and the idea that there necessary elements to a relationship.
unsubscribe from the notion that
anniversaries are celebrated with candles and champagne and
the perfect couple is always formed from best friends and
falling out of love is the only big problem you will face.
because real life is never that simple
and there is so much more to two peoples’ intertwined lives
than what the world sees them do
and what they let the world see them do.

please remember that everyone is different,
from their love language
(yours is affection)
to their chemistry with others;
that it’s never too late to start or end something;
that there will be ups and downs
that aren’t the end of the (your) world;
that what you have doesn’t have to be perfect,
just something you’re happy to wake up to.

and most of all,
please love what and who you have, had, and will have,
with all your heart,
and never regret anything.

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and I still love you, too; pt. 2

pt. 1

back again under  
tangled telephone lines 
sweet dusks and wide skies  
 
but in the quiet moments between  
loud laughter and 
the last burst of daylight’s colours 
just before nightfall – 
I wish you were here 

warm lights warm nights

spring nights may be cold
but with lights in my eyes and your hand in mine
i’m anything but that

17, now. – you make me feel so

in the midst of it all
the loose leaf pages, flutter-by deadlines,
chatter of bilingual tongues,
and a sinking feeling so noiseless yet so persistent and
overwhelming loud –
i focus on you –
waves of clamour and chaos crash
to a slow, steady heartbeat, then:
silence.

a soft smile.

asymmetrical

light kisses
sneak softly into my thoughts
and I realise

it’s okay to be asymmetrical;
affection comes in different forms and
the wax and the wane is what keeps us going –
somehow you don’t give exactly what I do
but exactly what I need
(and I hope I do you, too)


As someone who was a little anal about things being equal during the give-and-take while growing up, I’m so relieved and proud to be at a point where I’m growing out of that phase, and can accept things not being equal on both sides. After all, it’s equilibrium over equivalence, and equity over equality. And hey, as long as we’re both happy, right?

x.

verge

rough airy notes
heavy with the weight of blunt sincerity
still rise easily to the back of my throat
they sit on my tongue and
threaten to spill over
bubbling and boiling vigorously
desperate to be heard

i swallow them down
and wait
for patience to wear thin
for honesty to layer thick
for self control to drip dry

until then
i’ll always be on the verge of telling you
i love you